Book Review: Cress by Marissa Meyer

Cress

by Marissa Meyer

“I am an explorer,' she whispered, 'setting courageously off into the wild unknown.' It was not a daydream she'd ever had before, but she felt the familiar comfort of her imagination wrapping around her. She was an archeologist, a scientist, a treasure hunter. She was a master of land and sea. 'My life is an adventure.' she said, growing confident as she opened her eyes again. 'I will not be shackled to this satellite anymore.'

Thorne tilted his head to one side. He waited for three heartbeats before sliding one hand down into hers. 'I have no idea what you're talking about,' he said. 'But we'll go with it.” 

Beginning where Scarlet left off, Cinder, Thorne, Scarlet and Wolf are on their ship (voiced by Iko, their droid compatriot) trying to think of a plan to overthrow the Lunar Queen, stop her from marrying Prince Kai and taking over the world. It is not a B movie, I swear. On a satellite circling earth, we find Cress, a long-haired Lunar shell (non-magical Lunar), who has spent her life working for the Queen, hacking their security feeds, monitoring their transmissions, and hiding Lunar movements. In all that time of solitude, she has fallen in love with earth, and more specifically with the dashing and suave Captain Thorne whom she knows is hiding a heart of gold under his selfish exterior. She teams up with our heroes, but when Thorne attempts to rescue her from her lonely outpost, Cress' guardian, the Lunar Thaumaturge finds them, and sends the satellite hurling to earth. In the process, Thorne is blinded (the witch throws the prince from the tower, he lands in thorns and his eyes are gouged out). Cress, newly shorn, and a blind Thorne must find their way across the desert, join Cinder and stop the royal wedding.

To see what I though (Hint: I loved it sooooo much) see my review on Palimpsest! 

REVIEW: Breadcrumbs

Breadcrumbs

by Anne Ursu

“A boy got a splinter in his eye, and his heart turned cold. Only two people noticed. One was a witch, and she took him for her own. The other was his best friend. And she went after him in ill-considered shoes, brave and completely unprepared.” 

Hazel has moved from a more progressive, creative school to a traditional school in a new neighborhood. She feels so out of place. All the things she enjoyed about learning are discouraged. Her only touchstone is her best friend Jack. They let their imaginations run wild, inventing stories and playing baseball as superheros who are not allowed to use their powers. However, one day, Jack gets something in his eye, and he is completely different. He is mean to Hazel and doesn't care about what they used to care about. And then he disappears. Everyone thinks he went to visit his aunt, but Hazel knows something is wrong. She knows he was stolen by the Snow Queen. She must embark on a mission, facing wolves, witches, and ice, to save her best friend... who might not want to be saved.

To read more, see my review at Palimpsest.

BOOK REVIEW: Stung by Bethany Wiggins

"As I jump out the window, I glance over my shoulder. The window frames a face with smooth skin and hollow cheeks -- a boy on the brink of manhood. He peels his lips back and growls, and I stare into his brown eyes. For a moment it is like looking into a mirror and I almost say his name. Until I realize his eyes are wild and feral, like an animal's...As I sprint across the empty schoolyard, past the silent, rusted playground, I dare a look over my shoulder. My brother is hobbling toward the fence, his angle hanging at an odd angle to his leg. His eyes meet mine and he holds a hand up to me, a plea to come back. A sob tears at my chest, but I look away and keep running."

Fiona wakes up in her bedroom. Everything is covered in dust. The world around her is lifeless, and there is a tattoo on her right hand. She is 4 years older than she was when she fell asleep. She steps into a world divided, where those bearing the tattoo must live outside the wall because they are infected with a deadly disease that could turn them at any moment into mindless beastly killing machines. Those within the wall are safe, but at what cost? When Fiona is captured by the militia, she is marked as a Level Ten, the deadliest of all the infected. Yet, she feels normal. As flashes of memories come back to her, she and her former classmate Bowen, now a hardened militia man, must discover her secret before it is too late.

To see what I thought of this Sleeping Beauty adaptation, go to my other blog: Palimpsest! 

BOOK REVIEW: Scarlet by Marissa Meyer

Scarlet

by Marissa Meyer

“A sickening howl stopped her, sucking the air out of her lungs. 

The night's chatter silenced, even the loitering city rats pausing to listen.

Scarlet had heard wild wolves before, prowling the countryside in search of easy prey on the farms.

But never had a wolf's howl send a chill down her spine like that.” 

This second book in the Lunar Chronicles follows a delivery girl named Scarlet whose grandmother has been missing for two weeks. The police have given up, but she tenaciously searches for clues. When she meets a young, handsome, ambiguously affiliated street fighter, Wolf, who might hold the key to her grandmother's disappearance, they embark on a journey that might save her grandmother, or doom Scarlet to the same fate. In the mean time, Cinder (protagonist of the last book), is breaking out of prison with the charming, but rather self absorbed Captain Thorne. And poor Prince Kai is left to deal with the evil Lunar Queen alone. 

To see what I thought of it, check out my other blog, Palimpsest! (HINT: I thought it was awesome.)

MOVIE REVIEW: The Slipper and the Rose: The Story of Cinderella (1976)

The Slipper and the Rose (1972)

"You see only love and happiness staring you in the face. I see only war and destruction unless a sacrifice is made."

NOTE: May be seen through nostalgia colored classes.

What makes it different: Set in the imaginary European country of Euphrania in the 18th century, this Cinderella takes on the political ramifications of the Prince marrying the commoner Cinderella, all while singing and dancing. Written by the Sherman Brothers (who wrote Mary Poppins, The Jungle Book and more)

Synopsis: After yet another failed road trip to see a potential bride, our prince has vowed to marry for love, much to the dismay of his aging parents, who need an alliance and a heir for their vulnerable kingdom. Cinderella has returned from her father's funeral and forced below stairs by her stepmother and stepsisters. Since they have dismissed the rest of the staff, Cinderella is overwhelmed by work until her no nonsense fairy godmother comes to the rescue.

 Cinderella and the Prince cross paths, but never actually speak, like when Cinderella is at her father's grave and the Prince discusses (and dances about) the more humorous aspects of kingly mortality with his best friend in a mausoleum. A ball is planned, through another fantastically silly and pompous number with the king and his council, and the prince refuses to attend, as he puts it, "some sordid beauty contest with me as the grand prize." However, when one of the neighboring kingdoms threatens war, he must go through with it, for the safety of the realm.

When he meets the love of his life, and looses her, and then finds her again, he must contend with his father and the Royal Chamberlain, who fear their tiny country will be crushed if the Prince does not make a marriage of alliance.

Review: This is a fantastic movie, particularly because of it's memorable beautiful score. The songs are not just spectacle, but meaty character development, ruminating on the singers' lives and larger questions.  Some are sweet and uplifting like "He Danced with Me/ She Danced with Me" or "Suddenly It Happens," some are silly like "Protocoligorically Correct," "What a Comforting Thing to Know," and "Position and Positioning," and some are heart-breaking like "Tell Him Anything." I would recommend this movie for the music alone. (Click the links to see the videos, but SPOILERS!)

Dances are choreographed by the same team that gave us Mary Poppins, and you can certainly tell when the vast array of castle servants kick-line on a railing a la the chimney sweeps in "Chim Chim Cheree." And it brings an added ridiculousness to the King's Council as they prance around the library discussing the upcoming ball. In the Prince and Cinderella scenes, their graceful flowing movements arouse in the viewer a sense of whirling, love-filled abandon.

The movie is fulled with stunning visuals, (the DVD is a significant improvement over the VHS I had!). The shots are beautifully composed, and the characters are draped in sumptuous costumes of lace, velvet, and silk, embroidered and form fitting. Julie Harris was nominated for the 1977 BAFTA award for Best Costume Design for the film.

It also has meticulous pacing, knowing when to take it's time. There is a luxurious long opening sequence over a snow-covered land, as the prince travels doggedly home and Cinderella walks behind the hearse to bury her father. Their first meeting and the waltz that follows is gentle and romantically delicate. On the other hand, the prince finally finding her and sweeping her to the castle is a whirlwind, and makes it all the more devastating when you see what follows.

The writing is wickedly smart, examining aspects of the fairy tale that are rarely seen. Much of the humor comes from the hilarious and daffy Michael Hordern (Taming of the Shrew, A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum) as the King, and his Chamberlain Kenneth More (though they have some tasty darker moments as well), the righteous and manipulative stepmother Margaret Lockwood, and Annette Crosbie as the best (and most overworked) Fairy Godmother in any adaptation.

Gemma Craven (who has some Emilia Clarke about her) is sweet and strong as Cinderella, if often subdued, but always sparkling, kind and regal,  and when the time comes for her to break your heart, she does. Richard Chamberlain (Dr. Kildare, Shogun, Thorn Birds, Brothers and Sisters) is handsome, charming,  and witty and playful as Prince Edward, yet he shows some wonderful dark shades as well. His biting frustration and despair at not finding Cinderella and his resignation to his royal shackles bring a depth to the prince that is rarely seen.

The movie does feel a bit long in parts, but each moment is full of delights and goodness that I could not tell you what should be cut. It is also one of the few movies I've seen that have actors take bows during the credits! It is honestly one of my top two Cinderella adaptations, and one of my top ten fairy tale adaptations over all.

Rating: Five Glass Slippers (out of Five)

Iconic Moment: "The Waltz"

Unique Moment: "Protocoligorically Correct"

TV: OUAT Monster Review Dump

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I have returned from the land of the dead! The 75th Anniversary of my day job had taken over a bit, so I was unable to post. But I am back and scrambling to get back on track.

First order of business is the OUAT reviews. It has been too long since I watched them to give specific reviews, but I will give you my general impressions!

The Queen is Dead

Ah, Mini-Snow-White acting her little heart out. Did anyone else find it heartbreaking that, presumably because Toby Ziegler couldn't or wouldn't do the show again, poor Snow had to lead the nation in mourning for her mother? That scene where she turns and kneels and she is all alone. 

This episode had the worst case of "Let Us Talk Loudly and In Unnecessary Detail about our Evil Plan" with Regina and Cora. Much like Regina's "Let Me Unnecessarily Use Magic so Someone Can Take a Photo of Me" in a previous episode. Tighten your storytelling, people. There are other ways. 

I loved the brutality of Hook hitting Charming in the head with a crowbar. I love when the show digs it's toes into darkness like that, but they always end up undercutting it with magic or miraculous healing powers like Charming apparently has. (Except for poor Gus. RIP.)

And poor Joanna. The death of Joanna was the perfect thing to send Snow over the edge. She lost both of her mothers to Cora, and the darkness she had in Season 1 returns to guide her choices in the next episode.

-----

(image source)

The Miller's Daughter

The show is at it's best when they give good actors meaty dialogue and just let them at each other. Exhibit A: Cora and Rumplestiltskin in their very strange romance. Both actors are enormously talented and they let are just let loose to chew the scenery and have their charged "Fuck Everyone" relationship. Exhibit B: Mr. Gold and Belle's phone call. Who wouldn't want something like that said to them? And it was a perfectly unselfish moment on Gold's part. He is dying and he doesn't need to explain himself, or rail against the world, or make it about him. He makes it about her. In his dying moments he needed to tell her how wonderful she was. Exhibit C: Rose McGowan as Cora. Amazing. Every intonation, every movement of her facial muscles exudes Barbara Hershey. Never was there more perfect casting. Exhibit D: Bae and his Father. That scene was so moving, full of everything they were not saying. Exhibit E: The heart break of Cora ripping her own heart out, making her unable to love her daughter. It is so awful when we learn that Snow was absolutely right, and she could have not done Rumplestiltskin's spell and returned Cora's heart, and everyone would have been happy. Instead, she chooses darkness and perpetuates the acts of hate. All in all, a top notch episode.

Io9's Review: This is what hate sex looks like in Disney's Fairy Tale Kingdom

-----

(image source)

Welcome to Storybrooke

This was a fascinating episode. I loved exploring the early days of Storybrooke, how Regina gets incredibly bored with years and years of interacting with people under her control. A really solid tasty flashback, letting Regina wrestle with herself and her loneliness. It was so simple and strong, with no over the top CGI.

Io9 makes an interesting point about how in the Enchanted Forest, everything is black and white. You are either good or you are evil. In Storybrooke, things are much more complicated. However, Regina doesn't let things be complicated for Snow. Snow killed Regina's mother and is now has a one way ticket to Evil Town. She is forcing Snow to experience the pidgen-holing Regina has felt. The question is, do the rules of magic work like that? Will the magic hold her accountable for the rest of her life? Will she be allowed to change?

Io9 Review: At last, Once Upon a Time uses fairytale tropes to rip out your heart

-----

(image source)

Selfless, Brave and True

The flashback with Pinocchio and Tamara was so great! Real storytelling, with real emotional stakes for everyone. And the Red Dragon was a Dragon! The world of magic is so much bigger than we expected. Bigger than the little Storybrooke curse. I want more of THAT! However, the episode lost me when the Blue Fairy turned Pinnochio back into a little boy. Does the boy have memories when he was a man having sex with all those women? Is he a man in a boy's body? Or is he all innosence and has no memory of those times at all? If so, doesn't that rob him of something? He went through a lot of pain and growth to become who he is and now that is all gone. I do understand getting a fresh start with Geppetto, but I felt like it would have been stronger for him to confront Geppetto as a man and ask for forgiveness and discover what their relationship is now. 

Io9's Review: Congratulations Once Upon A Time, you have created the most horrifying character in the universe

-----

(image source)

Lacey

I will get to Lacy and Rumple in a second, but first I want to give a shout out to the "Regina and Emma sitting on a bench" scene. It was perfect. The two women sitting and talking about real things, taking their history into account, and connecting as people. Yes, at the end, it devolves into scheming and plotting, but it starts in such a nice honest place. 

Now, on to Lacy and Rumple. I was so captured by the idea that Belle and Rumple would help remind each other who they are. Such a beautiful idea. The flashback fulfilled something I never knew was missing in "Skin Deep": an honest development of Belle's relationship with Rumple. She didn't automatically see the best in him while he was making jokes at the spinning wheel. This story was the perfect stepping stone for them. And the acting was, of course, superb. Rumple has these small glances where he is just so in wonder at her. He tries to mask his vulnerability with jokes, but he is clearly falling in love with her. We see it first in that perfect moment where he is unable to make a deal with the Sheriff that would hurt her, and it just unfurls from there. She has a power over him that he doesn't fully understand. 

Lacey revels in Mr. Gold's darkness. Which has to be wicked confusing for Rumple. There is a beautiful parallel between Mr. Gold beating the Sheriff with his cane while Lacey eggs him on and when Mr. Gold beats Hook with his cane and Belle appeals to his better self. Does Mr. Gold love Belle/Lacey enough to do what ever she wants or will he honor the memory of Belle and try to be a better man dispite Lacey in Belle's body? OR will the mix be good for him? He is not an angel, or a devil. He is a man, and Belle/ Lacey allows him to explore both sides of himself. 

PS, Is Regina mayor again? What paperwork is she doing?

And PPS, And this moment was PERFECT!

Io9's Review: Watch two fairytale characters get turned on beating a man senseless

Aaaaaand don't be mad, I haven't seen the most recent one. I will watch it as soon as I can, schedules just have to align. 

OUAT Review Dump

Ladies and Jellyspoons, I apologize for getting so behind in this! I just closed my play, and I am now all caught up on our beloved and frustrating Once Upon a Time. Some of these episodes are vague, cloudy memories for me by this point, but I will do my best to re-recreate the joy and rage I felt when I first watched them.

The Cricket Game

(created by incaseofdarkesttimeline)

Gah! Heart-wrenching for Regina! She goes to the Snow and Emma welcome back party, and even though she saved them, and made it possible for them to come home, she is shunned and attacked. The conversation between Emma and Regina outside the diner was beautiful, and when Regina apologized for snapping at Emma, I just...oh the feels. I was so proud of her in this episode! She tries so hard. She keeps calm under pressure, she does not succumb to violence (until the end). She has some eeexcellent snark ("You got your PhD from a curse," "Because you know so much about parenting from the five minutes you've been with him," "Glad to see the sheriff's station is now a family business.") She follows what the law requires. And still, the town smacks her down. Understandably, since the evidence was stacked so high against her. (PS, did anyone else side with Regina about the doctor/ patient confidentiality thing? Bad form, Dr. Hopper).

While I sometimes love the Fairy Tale Justice in this small New England town, I am not cool with everyone deciding to kill Regina. In fact, there's a lot of group-think Killing People Will Solve All Our Problems in these episodes. Not cool, Storybrooke.

Loved the Snow and Charming sex scene, and how they still have a chance to emotionally scar their daughter.

Io9's review

The Outsider

(created by Frambouaz)

In which Belle has adventures and takes some really really stupid risks. I love Belle. She has some beautiful exchanges with Rumple this episode. The scene on the boat where she convinces him not to beat Hook to death is perfection! However, man, that flashback. Don't get me wrong, I was glad to see that Belle was fulfilling her dreams and using her brains to solve problems and vanquish beasts. However, she approached the fire cat without a weapon. Twice. The first time, definitely without a plan. Also, I did not see why she needed to change into the boobalicious adventure outfit to do it. As we see later with Jack, apparently women cannot have adventures in pants without their boobs spilling out all over the place. Unless you wish to distract your enemy with breasts, it is not a practical adventuring outfit. I do not fault Belle for this, as it is clearly a costumer fetish.

Also, did anyone else say, "Belle, do not go on to the boat that you can't see with a gun you have never used before? You have no idea what threats you will face. This is stupid and reckless." Yes, I know we are supposed to see from the flashback that she is capable of taking care of herself, but something about her bearing and her choices and her baby-deerishness on the boat make me highly frightened for her well-being.

The ending scene across the town line was heartbreaking. After all of Belle's devotion and love, which gave Rumple the strength to be a better man, all of it is gone in an instant. It was kind of satisfying to watch Hook get hit with a car, though.

Also loved Archie's funeral. I had worried they'd actually killed him because he was a disposable minor character (which I highly disagree with). I'm glad they gave him a proper, if premature, send off. I am a little irked that, after he reveals to Emma and Henry that he was alive, he disappears for ALL THE EPISODES. Not even a cameo. Archie, you are no longer needed as a plot device, so we will completely ignore your existence or the ramifications of your kidnapping.

And Henry, make up your mind. You always knew Regina was evil, you love her, you are creating an arsenal in case she attacks, you always knew she was innocent. Some consistency, please.

Io9's Review

In The Name of the Brother

(created by frekkenbok)

Ugh. I so wanted to love this episode. I am fascinated by Dr. Whale, and I love Frankenstein. However, here is my bone to pick with you, Once Upon a Time. You are all characters from books, yes? This is the world you have created, the rules you set up. Fairy tales were easy. There are so many gaps in fairy tales. All you need to do is have the basic symbols of the fairy tale: Cinderella, the shoe, the fairy godmother, the ball, the prince. Little Red, the wolf, the grandmother, the red cape. Snow White, the apple, the mirror, the stepmother, the dwarves, the kiss to wake her (Or dropping her to wake her). However, when you venture into novels, like Peter Pan, Alice in Wonderland, or Frankenstein, you have a hell of a lot more content to address. Snow White is an archetype that can be filled with anything you want. Hook actually has a fully fleshed out character. So does the Mad Hatter. Neither have back stories, so you can certainly take liberties up to that point. However, we know the entirety of Frankenstein's story, from his birth to his death and beyond. It is really fascinating stuff, all about personal responsibility. And Once Upon a Time used none of it. Absolutely none of it. He put life into a corpse, and there the resemblance ends. I thought the rules established in this world was that the books were written representations of the lives of these characters that live in the other universe of Imagination. The books may leave out information, but they aren't completely wrong.

My BF and I had an debate about this. He thought that it was ok for OUAT to change the story to fit the needs of the show. I would agree with that a little if I felt that 1) the story they told had value to the overarching OUAT plot line, and 2) it was saying something that could only be said without using the book. The pain and fear that Frankenstein goes through in the book, the idea that something he created or gave life to caused so much damage is a PERFECT parallel to what is going on with the Stranger. If he saves the Stranger, if he gives him life, the stranger could destroy the town.  Second, the main theme of Frankenstein is that he avoids responsibility, which causes destruction. That is exactly what he is doing in Storybrooke. He doesn't want to be responsible for this man's life or death so he runs away. He is reliving the fears and mistakes that lead to the most horrible chapter in his life, which he cannot deal with so he tries to commit suicide. This story, to me, seems so much more interesting than "I am not good enough for my father and cannot do anything right in his eyes so I will resurrect my brother and I can't even do that right, and now I am unsure of my skills as a doctor all of a sudden." </rant>

Anyhoodle, I loved the Monster to Monster chat. I hope they do more with Ruby and Whale's relationship that they started setting up in Season 1! I hated the fact that, again, the solution everyone seems to agree upon is, "When in doubt, kill someone." Loved the "We are not a group sheriff" line, because it was oh so true. Was really wondering what happened to Emma's Lie Detector power that only turns on when convenient to the plot? (Gif set of examples) Loved that Regina remained strong in the face of her mother...for like 5 seconds, and now I have no idea what happened to the Regina we have been developing this entire season, as we will see later.

Io9's Review

Tiny

I tend to agree with Io9 a bit that this episode held the very best and very worst of what OUAT has to offer. Not "Dreamy" worst, but a flavor of that. As much as I love love love Jorge Garcia (he is my favorite Lostian), this flashback felt like filler. The two things that came out of it were 1) Jorge Garcia in Storybrooke (yay!) and 2) Magic Bean. Now the BF gets on me about making judgments about the importance of things before we see the entire arc (and I am desperately trying not to do that with Regina, see below), but I do not foresee anything aside from those two plot points having any effect on later plots. It seems like OUAT is killing time with flashbacks, rather than using them to inform current events in a meaningful way.

Let us now talk about Regina, who is evil again. Cuz of mom. And she wants Henry back. Which bothers the crap out of me. Legally...LEGALLY, she still has custody of Henry. Emma has no case in Storybrooke for keeping him. It is only because of past wrongs and Fairy Tale Justice (rather than small town law) that keeps them apart. I nearly screamed at the TV when Snow said Emma didn't have to check with Regina about taking her son out of town. YES SHE DOES! Anyway....I do not like this weird amalgam Regina. She no longer has the full delightful evilness, but she does not have the struggling goodness either. She is kinda blandly in the middle. I am hoping this means that she is pretending to go along with her mother so that she can figure out her plan and then save the day in the last minute. The only real evil thing she has done so far is embiggen Tiny.

Speaking of not so evil things people have done, Snow says "Most people would let the giant die after what he's done." First, what has he done aside from throw some cars, and two, again with the KILLING!" What is up with this town?

Other things happening in Storybrooke are really interesting and meaty, though! Ethan Embry investigating the town weirdness and trying to find an ally in Belle. Belle out of her depth and pushing people who love her away (the chipped cup was heartbreaking). Charming and Snow ramp up the discussion of where "home" is. I can't wait to see that conversation develop and bear fruit. And Emma, Henry and Rumple go on a road trip! So good! The episode breathed, and talked about real things, and you could see their relationships changing and developing. You saw Rumple vulnerable and scared and still pushing through. You saw Emma taking care of Rumple as she would a father in law (spoiler alert). So much tasty stuff in there! And that final panic-inducing push into Rumple's face as the plane took off. FANTASTIC.

Io9 review

Manhattan

(created by goshdarncute)

I KNEW IT! I KNEW Neal was Bae. SO awesome. The writing in the scenes between Neal and Emma and Rumpelstiltskin was really sharp. No one let anyone get away with anything, there were no easy solutions, everyone fiercely went after their objectives. Great work. Great payoff. And not only does Neal have a son, Rumple has a grandson whom he has previously threatened, but also built up a relationship with. More responsibility and family for a man who has been defined by his familylessness. Now, he will have to decide to accept the prophecy and let it pass, or to interpret "He will be your downfall" not as "he will be the reason you are taken down by Regina" or "if you kill him everyone will kill you," but as "I must dispose of the boy before he kills me." You would think he would learn by now not to take much stock in what you assume a prophecy to be.

I do agree with Io9 that the Pinocchio box reveal was pretty lame. All he needed to do is say "I know you are Baelfire." He did not need to write it down and reveal it dramatically. I was hoping for something bigger and better than that. Perhaps having to do with another theory that I have (which I will save for the end of this).

In Flashback Land, Rumpelstiltskin's wife is crazy. She clearly has multiple personalities or something. We see her in one scene saying that he shouldn't go off to the war and get killed because he is afraid of being a coward like his father. In the next scene, she is screaming at him for coming back to her and being a coward like his father. Is this the same character? What is happening? While I was not pulled by this flashback as I have been for others, Robert Carlysle is an amazing actor, the seer's make up was really cool, and it did solidify Rumple's devotion to Bae, even if he allowed it to get clouded by magic later.

And in Storybrooke, Hook is useless. He is not doing anything. He has had his revenge by taking Belle away from Rumple. Does he want more revenge? Why is he still here? He is there to make awkwardly threatening sexual statements and be the eye candy in the evil trio. And I do not like Cora with her hair down and her slim suits. It feels, and maybe this is on purpose, that she is trying to be like Regina so that Regina will like the "new Cora." The "not dressed in fairy tale clothes that reminds us of all the baggage we have" Cora. "The Hip New Mom" Cora. Also, Regina is getting lazy. She does not want to walk across a room and rummage through someone's purse manually anymore. She needs to conveniently make a big magic show for no one so Ethan Embry can record it on his phone. (PS, please let Stranger plot line pay off well!)

Did anyone else think that if Rumpelstiltskin had given Belle the dagger for safekeeping, he would not have given her a map to it? He would have just said, "Here, hide this in a safe place where no one will think to look," not "I have hidden my dagger. Here is a map to where it is in case.... I need you to get it? I want you to keep a map in a place where you need to carry around a reminder to where it is at all times, rather than just remember it so that it is very easy for someone else to find." It seems so much simpler to have Rumple put it in a lead box and drop it in the bay. Here's hoping he was smart and the map is a giant trap for the evil trio.

So my further theory on Bae. We are seriously getting into soap opera territory here. I think Neal is not only Bae, but Peter Pan. Hear me out. By rights, Bae should be like 80 year old, at least. Bae was 14 (?) when he got sucked down the vortex. This was after Rumple became the dark one, but not long after. Then, Rumple trains Cora in magic. Then, Cora grows up, has her own kid, and Rumple trains Regina in magic. He creates the curse, and then we are in Storybrooke for 28 years, during which Bae was uncursed. Unless Bae went to another land where he did not age for many years, then came to our world around the time of the curse (so that he is now 42ish), there is no way he could look like Neal. It would be a great reason for Neal's playful and nomadic life in "Tallahassee," compared with his suddenly "I am an adult and I hate it" demeanor in the "Broken." It would also tie very neatly into the Hook plot and give Hook a purpose in the show again. How appropriate would it be for Hook's nemesis to be the son of Rumple and Mila, a reminder of everything he hates, and everything he loves, a conflict that jives very well with the literary Hook.

Io9's Review

Book: Dust City by Robert Paul Weston

Dust City

by Robert Paul Weston

"I pad over and put out a paw. "Pleased to meet you, madam."
She blushes, the varicose veins in her cheeks swelling with blood. Instead of taking my paw to shake, however, she turns it over as if it's a piece of bruised fruit in a market. "Hmmm..." She pores over my palm, nodding like a fortune-teller. Her spectacles slide comically down the bridge of her nose, and when she looks up at me, her face is full of mock astonishment. "Oh, my! What big teeth you have!" She giggles and kicks her slippered feet."

Henry Whelp is the son of the wolf who killed Little Red Riding Hood. This has been the defining characteristic of his existence. He is currently in St. Remus juvenile detention facility for dropping a brick onto a moving truck (a Nimbus truck like the one that killed his mother). When a sudden death reveals some lost letters from his father, Henry must break out and discover the truth of his father's crime at any cost....


See the rest of the review on my other blog, Palimpsest!

TV: OUAT Review: The Doctor

Frankenstein for the Frankenstorm!

So, in this episode, Emma, Snow, Aurora and Mulan find everyone dead in Haven (does that mean everyone in the Enchanted Forest is dead?) except for Hook. Emma actually gets a hold of herself and does some pretty clever things, and they end up about to go up a beanstalk to meet Jorge Garcia!! (I do wish they would meet him in Storybrook instead. It would be so much fun to meet a giant who is no longer a giant and see how he is dealing with it.) But yeah, that's about all that happened with them. Kinda perfunctory, no great revelations or gripping acting.

Because most of the episode's awesomeness is given to REGINA! Huzzah, she is back and in Magic Anonymous with Doctor Hopper, the most amazing, forgiving, kind and full-hearted human being/ cricket ever. Honestly, he is so compassionate towards Regina, even after she freaks out and leaves his office. And he gives Doctor Whale a verbal beat down when he interrupts the session. Kind-hearted BAMF.

I do wish OUAT was more secretive  I feel like the Hook reveal would have been so much cooler if we hadn't already known he was Hook. Same thing with Doctor Whale. It is built up for so long, "Who is Doctor Whale?", and then we find out in the preview. It would have given us such an OMG moment if we had found out during the course of the episode. It seems like the episodes were even built that way. There was no, "Let me introduce myself, I am Victor Frankenstein/ Hook." It is always someone else towards the end of the episode saying "something something something.....Doctor Frankenstein." Or Hook dramatically putting on the hook.

I didn't really care so much about the flashbacks. We knew bringing Daniel back didn't work, because they brought him back in Storybrooke. It's nice to know that Regina tried to bring him back, and letting go of him gave her the push she needed to go fully evil, but it wasn't life-shattering. Frankenstein was fun, but it seems that they are going more for a movie Frankenstein, instead of the book Frankenstein, which makes me sad. They had such an opportunity to explore something really cool, and get people interested in the original story, but they seem to be going for the easy way out. The black and white world was fun, but a definite statement that this is not the Frankenstein story I love. Am I surprised? Not really. All the rest of the stories are based on the movies anyway.

The modern day story, however, was pretty damn cool. Whale got his arm ripped off! Nice to know the show would go there! And Regina resisted so hard against doing magic. I was proud of her. Her conversation with David as he tried to hold himself together was heartbreaking. However, my BF and I both expected her to remove his heart to stop him. It would have been painfully poetic, and still make sense, because it was the magic heart that made the life possible in the first place. Instead she just blew him away. I was happy about how Rumple did minimal douchebaggery when Whale asked him to put his arm back on. Nice continuity from last episode. You could really see the contrast between past Rumple and present Rumple in this episode.

I am curious about the hearts in the vault. She doesn't know who they belong to. Otherwise, I guess she'd try and give them back? I'm sure that other people know that they have a heart in Regina's vault, and are still under her control. Are they living people? Storybrooke people? You think someone would have said, "Hey, can I please have my heart back, now that you have turned good again?"

Second, was Victor Frankenstein a womanizer? Or was Doctor Whale a womanizer? Also, why is he called Doctor Whale?

Anywho. Entertaining episode, and Lana Parilla gets ALL THE AWARDS! Except for Most Kindhearted BAMF, which goes to Doc Hopper.

TV: OUAT Mini-Reviews

Hello everyone!

So behind on the OUAT reviews, so I thought I'd do mini ones to catch up!

"We are Both"

I actually really loved this episode. Both the flashbacks and the present day stuff! First, lets talk about Regina. That woman is a BAMF. The moment when she is in the council chamber and the flaming seal encircles her head like a demonic halo? AWESOME! We get her delicious struggle with power in the flashbacks. While sometimes it felt a bit predictable, it was so well-acted that you did not care a bit. The moment when innocent young Regina confesses that she loved using the power, you could almost taste the need and the rush of it. It made me realize that I were in her situation, I probably would have done the same thing. Magic is tasty and addictive. If I could throw people through the air with just a wave of my hands, hell YES I would! Back in the real world, Regina's scenes with Henry completely sucked me in. They were leaning-forward-on-the-couch moments. While often I wonder if the actress feels like she is acting against a brick wall when she has scenes with Henry, the scene where she offers him magic and he turns her down, and the scene were she lets him go just took my breath away. I did not expect such strength from Regina. This is exactly where I hoped the character would go. Let's watch it again, shall we?

Meanwhile, poor Prince Charming is trying to fix everything and lead the town all by himself (with fantastically proactive and practical help from Ruby which made me love her even more). He also wants to find his family, but he is stretched to the brink between helping the town and saving his family. We get a beautiful cameo from the Mad Hatter who is reunited with his daughter at last. A really great moment. What made the episode for me was Charming's speech at the end, when everyone was trying to leave town and forget their fairy tale lives. Why? Because they are afraid of Regina and her magics. Seems silly to me. BUT, the speech was awesome! How our weak parts help inform our strengths. He makes it ok for them to live in basically a fairy tale town. Both of their lives are legit, and they don't have to all go crazy like Jefferson. (I also loved the small moment when Charming admitted that David had read Alice in Wonderland. That must be interesting! You now know the fairy tale stories of a lot of townsfolk, not just as people but as ancient tales.)  Anyways, solid episode. I leave you with the speech so you can be inspired throughout your day:

Here is the Snarky McSnark review from Io9 who was not as charmed with Charming as I was.

-----------

"Lady of the Lake"

SO did not care about what was going on in the Enchanted Forest. Yes, Snow is a BAMF again, and that is fun (the arrowshooting into the troll's eye was sweet, if over-dramatic). But Emma. Emma, Emma, Emma. I realize that you are out of your element. You probably read "the wrong sort of books," as C.S. Lewis calls them, for this type of an adventure, since you favor guns over swords. However, I have never had less respect for you than when you shot a gun into the air for no reason while hiding from BLIND TROLLS! Maybe it was a fault in the editing? The fight between Aurora, Snow and Mulan was clearly already done before Emma arrived on the scene. The only thing I liked about this plot like was the beautiful and powerful moment at the end where Emma realizes what Snow gave up for her, and when Snow lets go of her dreams for a normal happy family. If felt like Emma finally started to let go and show some real emotional honesty. And Ginnifer Goodwin can really do no wrong. (starts at 2:12): 

The second plot line, Snow's infertility curse, was beautiful and touching. It didn't hurt that she looked gorgeous in every frame. It did feel like the curse really was there and gone poof, and oh we never really had to deal with repercussions of the curse itself. But I loved the deathbed mother-in-law/ daughter bonding.

Third plot line, Henry lies to his mom about wanting to have lunch with her. The little bastard. After what she did last episode? I was so proud of her for handling it well. "I will send your Grandfather to rescue you from my vault of evil because we seem to still have trust issues." Anyone want to address that she still has a vault of evil? No, we'll just leave it there.

Behold, Io9's delicious takedown of Emma in this episode.

---------------

"The Crocodile"

YES! No Emma, very little Henry! Lots o' Rumple and Belle and sprinklings of Ruby! 

To be honest, I didn't really care about the Rumpelstiltskin wife back story. I mean it was fine and informative, but it didn't excite me too much. Hook was ok. I kept thinking he was BBC Robin Hood in eyeliner. But I was not as excited about him as I thought. Frankly, I was more excited about Chris Gauthier as Smee! I love him and I am so glad he has a job after Eureka was canceled! The rest of the plot was rather predictable. Even though I knew Rumple was the Crocodile, I did love his "tick tock" and discussions of time. It made me go "ahhhhhhhaha, yes." I AM looking forward to the Hook in Neverland backstory.

I was a little irked that Hook is really kinda just Hook by name. The original meaning of Hook for me in the J.M. Barrie Peter Pan was this arrogance and incredible insecurity that comes with growing up. The tick-tock of the Crocodile is time chasing him down. In this, he is just generic dashing pirate who lives by a code and happens to have a hook for a hand. Not certain why he is going to Neverland in the first place. He is not a pirate who looks afraid of growing old. And he hasn't grown older or turned into the Hook I know and love in the present day meeting with Cora. So..... what happens to him in Neverland? And granted, yes, most of OUAT's characters' stories and meanings have changed. It's just that they were fairy tales and very open to interpretation because the original text did not say much about them. Hook, on the other hand (haha), was very well-drawn and had definite meaning. This isn't even the Disney Hook. It seems like they thought "ooh, pirates are sexy! Let's have a sexy eyeliner clad pirate. Who is a literary pirate? Let's call him Hook." Any way. /rant

Meanwhile, in Storybrooke, Belle does exactly what I want her to do and leaves Rumple until he changes his ways! Go girl! And it has the desired effect! He goes around town and adorably asks for help from everyone who hates him, and asks Charming for dating advice. Belle and Ruby have a nice heart to heart, another scene that proves to me that Ruby is the most awesomest of characters. Then Belle gets kidnapped by Smee, the most adorable kidnapper in the world, and sent down a mine cart ride to oblivion until Rumple saves her. And Belle gets all sassy about how it's her life and she can do what she wants! Three snaps in a Z formation! Then, we have the most beautiful scene this season, I think, where Rumple gives Belle the library. Bitches love libraries. Honestly, I teared up a bit at all the book porn. I actually cheered at the beautiful circulation desk. And Rumple finally opens up to Belle, and she doesn't let him off the hook so easily. But she wants to go have a burger with him. And all was well with the world.

Io9 lends its usual flair to their Crocodile review. 

And WHO IS EXCITED ABOUT NEXT WEEK?? We know who Doctor Whale is! And guess what? It is as awesome as I thought. These two sneak peaks excited me ooooh so much. The first one really only for the first 5 seconds of the clip, but they are sweeeet:

The second one for the thrilling plot points revealed:

Halloweeeeeeen! MUHAHAHA!

Movies: My Spoiler- Filled Review of Snow White and the Huntsman

Well, folks... I liked it. I did! It is not one of my favorite movies of all time, but it was a very interesting and visually stunning interpretation of the original story. I'm going to proceed to make fun of it and take it apart a little, but please do not forget that I liked it!

Warning: HERE THERE BE SPOILERS! I will have blatant disregard for your sensitive ears.

First, may I say, Kristin Stewart did not suck! In fact, she did some beautiful and subtle acting! She had me in her first scene where she is being inappropriately touched, but allows it to go on so she can get info from a guy. She is terrified and disgusted, but is about to escape and needs to keep him occupied to get vital info before she does. You saw all of that flash across her face, and I was like, "Ok, K. Sewart. You've got me." And she carries this throughout most of the film, though there are moments that you have no idea what she is thinking and it just becomes awkward.

Anyway, Charlize Thereon: brilliant. Thor: tiny and vulnerable and I loved him. Best dwarves: Toby Jones, Nick Frost, Brian Gleeson (adorbs), and Johnny Harris. I was a bit disappointed with Bob Hoskins, as all he did was be blind and believe in KStew.

Aw, Nick Frost....

The visuals were jaw-droppingly amazing. Swirling ravens, blood on snow, terrifying fungus induced hallucinations, lots of really disturbing dead birds, fire and battle and...fuzzy snakes. Which I will get to in a second.

I LOVED the simple back story they gave the Queen and her brother ("Brother?" you say? Yes, a brother with a very significant role. "Why did I not see him in the trailers?" I have no idea, he was fascinating.) They are possibly centuries old. They were poor and starving, and their village was attacked by a king. To protect her daughter, the queen's mother gave her (magically) the power of beauty that she could wield over men. She was abducted by the king as her village burned and she has learned never to trust men, to dominate and destroy them, and that her beauty is her power, for if she gets old, she is disposable and ignored. So, she sucks the youth out of women (one of whom is played by a remarkably human-looking Lily Cole) to keep herself young, relevant, and powerful. And since there are no pretty women around for the brother, the only way he can get his rocks off is to rape his sister's victims beforehand. yaaaaay. AND, they didn't have this back story in a final scene "I'm about to kill you, but before I do, let me tell you why I am the way that I am" monologue. It was nicely integrated into the rest of the story.

Anyway, I'm going to be a bit scattered now, and tell you things that were cool, things that were weird, and things that didn't make sense:

I do not understand why Kristin Stewart became the messiah. She had the ability to make plants grow and to heal people all of a sudden. Because she was the rightful queen and nature was so happy to have her back that it went into overdrive? Because somehow the three drops of blood on the snow was a spell that gave her rightful queen powers? And how exactly were the evil queen and she connected? Was it because their mothers both happened to spill 3 drops of blood and wish good for their children? It was not clearly explained, and thus made some of the frolicking with fuzzy animals (and moss-covered snakes, which are good snakes, as opposed to the evil black snakes in the other forest) and ethereal messiah wandering, a little strange. I thought she might start whistling while she worked after a while.

Along a similar vein, the Bright Forest was just as awkward, and a little disturbing, as I thought it was going to be, at least at first. They arrive in the "land of the fairies," and K Stew sees her magpie friends who saved her from the castle, and all of a sudden FAIRIES COME OUT OF THEIR CHESTS! It was highly disturbing. And it did not help that they looked like the cute-but-demonic aliens from Galaxy Quest, and you knew any moment they would eat your face:

 

Anyway, it turned very Prince Caspian very quickly when K. Stew and her small rag tag army meet Aslan.... I mean the Forest Spirit White Stag thing... and have a very reverent moment. But all the corniness and cheese was worth it when suddenly, the White Stag gets SHOT! And the Queen's forces have invaded the one spot everyone thought was beautiful and safe. If we hadn't spent time with the Disney-ness, the impact of that moment would not have been as palpable. 

Let's talk about LUUURVE. There is surprisingly little romantic love in this movie. I thought that was great. We had the Huntsman, and Snow's childhood friend, William. You got the impression that maybe they were trying to make it a struggle for you to choose which of the two men you wanted her to end up with, but honestly, it was no contest. The only real interaction you see between William and Snow are when they are children, and when he is actually the creepy Queen in disguise. And there, he comes across as kinda skeevy. Otherwise, he is pursuing her, or walking next to her. Any chemistry is lost. Thor, on the other hand, fights with her, saves her, is saved by her, and is solidly in the friend zone, and then drunkenly and adorably confesses his strong feelings (romantic love? unclear.) and compares her to his dead wife and kisses her corpse while his tears fall on her. You want him to win. 

On that note, there is serious awkward happening between Huntsman and K. Stew. towards the battle, and you are not sure why. I thought maybe she remembered his drunken confession, and the kiss that woke her up, and had no idea what to do with it. 

And BTW, there are several moments in the movie where they just don't let something breathe, or don't address an important element of the story. The kiss-waking is another one of those. He pours out his heart to her corpse, another woman he loved that he has failed to protect, and then kisses her and leaves. She wakes up, walks out into the courtyard, and everyone else sees her first. When he sees her, he smiles. SMILES, people. And then just kinda goes with the flow as she gives her rather Dadaist, out of nowhere pre-battle speech. A brilliant quote from the mind of Caitlin Griffin of Drown My Books fame, it's like he is saying "Good job, you! I will process this next week!" 

There are several moments that are edited strangely that don't give significant moments the weight they deserve: like the Artex-like death of the Convenient Steed that K Stew looses in the swamp. Never see his head go under, or her reaction moment of "oh, he's gone." He's just sinking, and then not there in the next shot. Or a dwarf death where you don't see the moment where he dies. Just cut to him, he is struggling, cut to her reaction shot, cut to him - OH you missed it, he's dead. 

Aaaaanyhoodle, there was a prevailing theory in our group (voiced by the amazing CGriff), that K Stew's power came from her innocence. This was nicely underlined when the Huntsman tried to teach her how to fight, and she stated that she would not kill. And she doesn't for most of the movie. There is some debate as to whether she killed anyone in the (rather poorly thought out) epic battle at the end. There was some pushing, and some grunting, but it was unclear whether she had sword on flesh contact. When she rose from the dead (Zombie Princess will lead you into battle!), she said she knew how to defeat the queen. I thought it was going to be something clever, a weakness of the Queen's she would exploit. No no... she stabs her. yaaaaay. And then she stands and looks in the mirror. THAT to me, says "Oh no! She gave up her innocence, and now the whole cycle will start all over again." But it didn't say it in a strong enough way that it felt on purpose. 

The coronation scene at the end of the movie was also suuuuuper awkward. K. Stew gets coronated and is looking rather uncomfortable, but then she sees a squeeky clean Huntsman (touchingly looking more like the self he wants to be, rather than the drunken self he hated), lurking awkwardly at the back of the hall. Why is he not getting rewarded, or at least in a place of honor? He deserves a end of Star Wars: A New Hope medal! Anyway, he starts to smile, and then she smiles, but then there is no cut back to him of them sharing a moment. A "yay, we survived and are friends and its all gonna be ok because you are here" moment, or even an awkward "I don't know what our relationship is, but we will figure it out later" moment. It just cuts to half way down the aisle for a painfully slow pullback out the doors. You end a movie with a solid button, like a close up on her face, smiling, then a quick, dramatic, satisfying pullback to show she is ok, the kingdom is ok, shut the hall doors THE END. Credits. 

Mad props to them for keeping the entire climax of the movie under wraps, though (aside from the epic battle). And for keeping K Stew looking like she was on an adventure (dirty, messy hair), and not flawless and quaffed even though she traveled through sewers. 

To sum up. The movie is flawed, yes. Are there serious plot holes? Yes. Do they not let certain moments breathe? Yes. However, it was still a visually stunning, well-acted version of the Snow White story. 

Here's hoping this encourages other fairy tale movie makers to embrace the dark and gritty. 

Bonus Plot Hole: Why did everyone get healed by K. Stew, and Bob Hoskins still remain blind? Our friend Mullen thinks it was too much a part of who he was now. Like in Quest for Camelot. Stretching? Probably. 

Here are other people who have opinions about the movie:

Jack Zipes: A Grimm Review of Snow White and the Huntsman (He is rather spiky and scholarly about it, and feels the film has nothing to say to the modern world). (EDIT: Check out Christie's response to him over at Spinning Into Gold.)

The New Yorker: Snow White: Beauty is Power (They like the film, and discuss it through the lens of past Snow Whites anc the current movie zeitgeist).

TV: Review of Once Upon a Times "Hat Trick" Episode

(From Pop City Life)

Well, that was refreshing! A real world story that was more interesting than the fairy tale world story.

"Hat Trick" begins with Mary Margaret racing through the woods, stupidly running away from jail. Emma, of course, has to go after her, or she is royally screwed. She does and runs a man off the road, who tricks Emma into giving him a ride back to his house by feigning an injury. He drugs her with tea and ties her up.

Turns out he's the Mad Hatter who was separated from his daughter by the Evil Queen who trapped him in Wonderland, doomed to forever make hats in hopes that he will find the one hat that will take him back to his daughter. In the real world, he is mad because he is the only one who remembers fairy tale land, and can watch his daughter every day with her new family and can't do anything about it. He knows Emma is the key, and is trying to force her to make the magic hat to send him back to fairy tale land so he can be with his daughter.

Anyway, after some thrilling heroics on the part of Emma (and Mary Margaret!), he falls out of a window and dissapears into the night. Mary Margaret and Emma have a heart to heart, and Mary Margaret goes back to jail, deliciously foiling Regina's plan. Though now we know that Regina and Mr. Gold are in cahoots, and we're all in deep shit. Except that Mr. Gold is a double-crossing bastard, and no one should ever trust him, including Regina.

So this was a very compelling episode! I do wish that the trailer was not so obvious as to who Jefferson was. The story built up nicely, so if you hadn't seen the trailer, you would not have guessed who he was until he pulled out his hat, about half way through. It would have been a great reveal, if they hadn't spoiled themselves.

The story in fairy tale land was kinda blah. It would have been a bit better if the CGI wasn't so horrible.



See? Rather a horrific image if you didn't have the Barbie dream landscape in the background.

The best part of the episode, though, was the conversation between Jefferson and Emma, when he starts to convince her that the curse is real. He explains how there are many worlds, all touching, some with magic, and some not, and that stories are real.

Jefferson: Stories. Stories? What's a story? When you were in high school, did you learn about the Civil War?
Emma: Yeah, of course.
Jefferson: How? Did you read about it, perchance, in a book? How is that any less real than any other book?
Emma: History books are based on history.
Jefferson: And storybooks are based on what, imagination? Where's that come from? It has to come from somewhere. You know what the issue is with this world? Everyone wants a magical solution for their problem, and everyone refuses to believe in magic.

Emma becomes emotional, and it looks like her barriers are breaking down, ready to believe. Then she clobbers him with a telescope and the moment is ruined.

When he retaliates, though, there is a beautiful reveal of a scar on Jefferson's neck from when he got his head chopped off in Wonderland. A smart, incisive touch.

Then Mary Margaret goes all Snow White on his ass and kicks him out the window. She says that she has no idea where that came from, but to the audience, it was a brilliant emergence of Snow White in the timid Mary Margaret, which leads us to hope that the bleed between the two will continue. Mary Margaret certainly had a touch of Dark Snow White harshness in the end exchange with Emma at the end, which turns into a touching affirmation when Emma slips and calls Mary Margaret "family." Though Emma looks slightly emaciated in this scene, and I am worried for her.

The ending gives me hope. Emma asks to borrow Henry's book, and see's that Jefferson's story is all in there, with pictures that look like him. There is a prevailing theory that the pictures in the book will become clearer as Emma's influence becomes greater.

I realize I am a week behind, but this past Sundays episode is apparently really good, because the Tumblr fans are flipping a shit.

Books: Review of A Tale Dark and Grimm by Adam Gidwitz

A Tale Dark and Grimm

by Adam Gidwitz

“You see, Hansel and Gretel don’t just show up at the end of this story. 
They show up. 
And then they get their heads cut off. 
Just thought you’d like to know.”

It is true. Hansel and Gretel get their heads chopped off. And then their story begins. Hansel and Gretel were the son and daughter of a king and queen. In order to save the life of a loyal servant, they had to chop their children's heads off, so the children thought that after that, they should probably go and find new parents. 

They travel through different, more obscure fairy tales with themselves as the main characters, starting with "Faithful Johanness," "The Seven Swallows," "Hansel and Gretel," "Brother and Sister," etc trying to find a better family to take care of them, and in the process, they grow up. And they deal with some pretty deep stuff. Each of them makes mistakes with deadly consequences, but they learn from them. Each of them have to make terrible sacrifices. But they gain strength, intelligence, and willpower so they can safe the kingdom and come to grips with their horrible parental trust issues. 

This was a fantastic book! The style was delicious! Each section begins as a fairy tale; "Once Upon a Time, there was a ______" It continues in that style with frequent interruptions from a very chatty narrator, snarkily judging the character's decisions, explaining to the reader the feelings the characters must be going through, and most of all, vehemently warning of the impending gore and frightening subject matter, employing the readers to take the children out of the room, etc. It is absolute genius. It warns them, but then dares them to read on, and when bad things occur, the reader is prepared and brave, and is able to go on. They are not shocked by the horrible things happening and have to put the book down. This is juvenile fiction after all. 

In the back, the writer tells the story of how someone came into his second grade classroom and read "The Seven Ravens," in which a girl cuts off her finger. After being assured that he was not fired, he realized the kids got a lot out of it, and they begged him to tell more stories, asking questions, shouting responses, and getting involved in the story telling. 

With all the discussion recently about if kids can handle dark fairy tales, I think the answer is a resounding YES. This book shows that kids can have the strength to go through dark times and come out the other side. Kids need dark stories to know that people can survive and be better for it. If they don't put themselves in the right story when they encounter a dark time, they will crumble. If they think of themselves as a hero with a possibility of winning, they will fight. 

This is my favorite quote in the book:

“There is a certain kind of pain that can change you. Even the strongest sword, when placed in a raging fire, will soften and bend and change its form. So it was with Hansel. The fire of guilt and shame was just that hot.

Trust me on this one. I know this from personal experience. I hope that you never will, but, since you're a person, and therefore prone to making horrible, soul-splitting mistakes, you probably will one day know what this kind of guilt and shame feels like. And when that time comes, I hope you have the strength, as Hansel had, to take advantage of the fire and reshape your own sword.” 

Oh and check out the trailer. It is awesome!

TV: Review of Once Upon a Time's Episode: Heart of Darkness

 

Well this episode was kinda...meh. I was expecting the series to shoot off after the great Little Red episode, and the promise of dark-i-tude that was the trailer for this one: 

Alas, it was a bit bland for me. Still, there were some really cool moments!

We started off with Charming and Red being pursued by King George's Army, and Red badassly Hulking (or wolfing) out to give him a head start. She seems to have come to grips with her wolfy self. If you are as confused as I am about the time line, here, this is really helpful.

Meanwhile, Snow White hums "With a Smile and a Song" while sweeping and enchanting birds. I was nearly livid until she used her bird charming to try and smash the bird with her broom, and get it out of the house. The dwarves, lead by Jimminy Cricket (yay, he's back!) stage an intervention, saying that she has become , basically, a huge bitch. She berates them all, and decides she's off to kill the Queen! The terrible Queen of Fairytale Land. 

It turns out she is under the influence of Rumplestiltslin's forgetting-the-love-of-your-life juice, which not only makes you forget, it gives you a large hole in your heart like..guess who?... the Evil Queen. 

Charming tries to heal her with true love's kiss, but it doesn't work until he is willing to give up his life so she won't go down the dark path of murderdom from whose bourn no traveler returns. She kisses him and remembers him and all is hearts and stars until King George's men arrest Charming. They have the heart-wrenching "I will always find you" moment as the episode ends. I really love Snow and Charming. I am really getting sick of Mary Margaret and David.

In fairy tale land, Mary Margaret takes the opposite journey of her fairy tale counterpart. As the evidence piles up against her, she spirals down into a pit of bad. Henry (god, I wish this kid was a better actor) sits at Granny's drowning his sorrows in a cup of hot chocolate when August (the writer) plunks down next to him and reveals he is here to make Emma believe in fairy tales! As cool as that reveal is, it's a bit of a let down when you build up mystery and then casually go "Oh, it's this! Thanks for watching." I was expecting to work a little more for a big reveal like that. The Rumplestiltskin-still-remembers-fairy-land reveal, for example. That one was nicely done.

Anyway, David visits Doctor Hopper (yay!) to recover his lost memories through hypnosis. He remembers the mystery 8 min conversation with Katheryn about how she was sad, but hopeful and moving to Boston. And then he remembers Snow White (not Mary Margaret) in the woods saying she was going to kill someone. Which is fun! I think Regina's fucking with him, making him forget the phone call, and that, plus hypnosis, is stirring the hidden Charming memories up to the surface. But then, David visits and doesn't believe Mary Margaret is innocent and she kicks him out. 

Oh yeah, and Mr. Gold will be her lawyer, and Emma thinks Regina's behind this, but she's gonna work really really hard to save Mary Margaret. 

But THEN, Mary Margaret finds one of Regina's keys under her jail blanket, and is able to escape from jail. Which I thought was stupid, b/c nothing says guilt more like running away. AND it will cast doubt on Emma's impartiality. Lots of people on the fandom are cheering Snow on for taking control of her own destiny, but I feel its just falling into Regina's plot once again.

Anyway, the THEMES! I loved the theme that, as Regina says, "Evil isn't born. It's made." Regina (as I am guessing from "The Stable Boy" promo shots) wasn't much different than Snow when she started out. Then the big everything-is-Snow-White's-fault betrayal happened, and evil Regina was born.  It's fun to play with the idea that Snow would become Regina's replacement if she killed Regina.

However, I think it was a bit of a cop out that Snow was under the influence of a potion. I think it would have been much stronger if Snow had come to that place on her own. That the darkness and hatred of the Queen consumed her, and she chose to take that road of her own free will. 

I misunderstood the potion's influence, though, at first. I thought it had removed ALL love from her life, rather than just making her forget Charming. Why else would she be mean to the dwarves? But eventually I saw that this is how she would be if she had not met Charming when she did.

The mission seemed to come out of no where at first, but then a minion tells Snow the Queen is traveling to her summer palace, Snow flushes and snarls "That palace was built for my mother" with such passion, that I was sold. Crusade away, Snow, you obviously mean it. I can see how the removal of her love of Charming from her life gave her no spark of hope for the future, and just made her dwell on the past, so that all she could see was the wrongs done to her. When she finds her love again, she's focused on saving him, rather than killing the Queen. But I still think the feelings fueling the murder mission should be there underneath. Snow will not act on them, as she is a good person and has hope now, when she had none before, but she should still feel them. 

Anyway, next episode, "Hat Trick," introduces Alice in Wonderland into our realm of fairy tales (a tiny sore point with me, as I think it is a children's novel, not a fairy tale). I am very excited that someone else remembers fairy tale world and is trying to convince Emma. That is the most exciting dynamic of the story for me. How and when these folks will regain their fairy tale memories. 

TV: Review of Once Upon a Time's Episode Red-Handed

 

Ok, folks. I finally got around to watching the newest episode of Once Upon a Time, "Red-Handed," and BOY was I impressed. (Gloat all you want, OUAT believers!). There was none of this jelly-fish dress fairies and dwarves hatching from eggs. There was not one Disney reference in the entire episode! It was dark, and the plot was twisting, and it had parallels without hitting you over the head with it, and the acting was stellar!

The trailer is not really promising, but you shall see anon how actually it was a really awesome episode!

BEWARE: SPOILERS AHEAD!

This week we got the story of Little Red/ Ruby and her crossbow-toting grandmother. And hey. They can act. Who knew? Their parts have been so dinky so far that I wrote them off, but they pack a wallop this episode. In fairy tale land, a large wolf is killing folks under the wolf moon. Granny's fortress of a house would make Buffy proud; she barricades herself and Red in every night, even going so far as to portcullis the fireplace (wolves have used that before, as the Three Little Pigs know well). Red meets Snow White, and we have a lovely little "Oh, they are Snow White and Rose Red!" moment, thought I am not certain that is what the writers were thinking. It was Jane Espenson, though and she is fucking clever.

Meanwhile, in the real world, Red has a fight with Granny, who is trying to give Red more responsibility at the diner, and so Red quits. She plans to leave town, and good ol' Jane dangles the possibly of Dr. Whale as the wolf as he harasses her at the bus stop (to which no bus ever comes in Storybrooke). I squealed with glee at this, as I had alas been spoiled on the ending, and knew who the wolf was, so it was a delight to watch the writers toy with the viewers. It got me thinking that maybe that is what they have been doing this whole time; they have been having so much fun playing the long game (leaving clues and red herrings, giggling to themselves and saying "Wait til they get to THIS part") that they forget to make individual episodes make sense in the world, or at least make them interesting in a short-term entertainment sense. My girl Jane, however, gets the balance exactly right.

Anyhoo, Snow invites Red to stay with her and Emma for a bit, in their fairy tale girl commune, until she figures things out, and Emma offers her a job as Sheriff's Assistant. Red learns she is capable of more than she thinks she is, learns a lesson, and oh by the way finds a human heart in a box by the Troll Bridge! WHAT? And with David walking around and acting weird and not remembering it, he is suspect #1, and actually really pulls off some stellar guilt and grief acting when he is told he could have unknowingly killed his wife, cut out her heart and put it in a box. But wait, there's more!

In an equally twisty plot, Snow and Red think that Red's boyfriend is the wolf, and he volunteers to be tied up. Red, in an act of love, vows to stay with him all night. So sweet. What is heart-breaking is that Red is the wolf, and boyfriend becomes puppychow. Very gruesome puppy chow. I definitely saw a detached foot in there. When Granny shoots her with a silver tipped arrow (hehe), and puts the protective red cape on her (yes, there actually is precedent for red being a protective color against the supernatural), does she turn back to herself, see what she had done, and understandably flip the fuck out. Again some fantastic acting from Red as she is at sea with incomprehension, wooziness, grief, terror and guilt. This sweet, innocent girl now has some serious baggage to lug around.

The final twist is in the real world, when we discover...dun dun dun....the fingerprints on the inside of the heart box were Mary Margaret's! Who saw that coming? Me, because I saw pics from next episode, which looks like it is going to be just as dark and tasty.

All in all a great episode! Just how I like my fairy tales: dark, bloody, women coming into their own, symbolic parallels, plot twists, and great writing. Lemurs. Watch it and you'll know what I'm talking about.

Review from Io9: The Twisted Tale of Once Upon a Time's Big Bad Wolf (even she found little to wittily shred!)
Review from Tor.com: Show Me What You've Got

Next time on Once Upon a Time, "Heart of Darkness", or Snow White gets Dark!:

So exciting!