Wednesday, August 8, 2012

MISC: Laying Siege to the House of Mouse

This might be my favorite thing I have seen in a while. Quora has a post asking how you would lay siege to the Cinderella castle in Disney World. The responses are priceless. And it combines two of my favorite things: Disney and military strategy.

One man chose a medieval assault (my favorite kind):

"Looking at the aerial view of the castle, we can make some strategic decisions.
Obviously, the castle was designed to withstand a full frontal approach via the  island. You can see the moat, multiple bridges and the single small drawbridge leading into the castle front and center. We will, therefore, not focus our main attack on the front.
Additionally to the left you can see Frontierland where there is an entrance and to the right you can see Tomorrowland where there is another entrance.
Step 1:
Send a small vanguard of sacrificial troops into Tomorrowland as a diversion. The defensive forces will rush to this area, leaving Frontierland wide open and the defensive forces quite distant.
Step 2:
Begin a large flanking attack through Frontierland and secure all bridges on the left side of the diagram. Hold this position with whatever it takes. Additionally, take the island which should be simple considering the fact the castle is the actual main defense.
Step 3:
Send in catapults and trebuchets and mount them in the center island. They must be out of reach from archers and other retaliatory siege weapons. Begin the attack with these siege weapons, taking down sections of wall in the front. You must have truly powerful weapons as the walls of Cinderella castle are quite high. If possible, focus your fire on the highest towers because this is where the enemy will have the best vantage point for observing your movements.
Step 4:
Reinforce your primary battalion and continue the flanking attack around the side of the tower through Frontierland. Make sure to put your archers hidden within the tree line wherever possible and systematically pick off the defense with longbows.
Step 5:
Eventually surround the castle with your vastly large army and hold your ground using large turkey drumsticks, mouse shaped ice cream and some of the larger tourists for your rations. 
Step 6:
Send in your pre-built siege towers using men armed with crossbows. Send in another team with long ladders and yet another team with grappling hooks and ropes from all around the castle. Use your best men in this final attack and eventually open the main drawbridge.
It may not be possible to perform deceptive maneuvers successfully considering the fact that the towers afford the enemy great visibility. If this is the case, then a smoke screen could be employed using all the trees nearby.
The moat may in fact be the water supply for the inhabitants of the castle. Consider poisoning the water supply.
Consider also using biological warfare such as flinging diseased animals into the castle.
Studying the architecture of the towers (see the tallest tower for instance), it seems as if they are weaker in the middle and may, in fact be top-heavy. Focus weapon fire on the center and the entire tower may collapse.
The sloped roofs of the towers will protect the inhabitants from projectiles tossed directly into the tower, however, the debris will scatter on those below. Consider using fire or Greek fire, splashing it against those roofs which would rain down on the inhabitants.
Send in spies. Determine who is the gatekeeper and promise him a prominent position post-siege for his assistance now."

Some strategies take advantage of the wooded terrain. Others use knowledge of the hidden entrances to the castle (like Tinkerbell's zip-line) to enter the castle. While one commenter insists that his brother-in-law designed the anti-terrorism defenses for Disney World and the only strategy that would work is the "nuke from space" one, its fun to dream.

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